Post by Cassiel on Mar 16, 2016 14:58:13 GMT -8
ZYLLAH--
They had all been drinking a bit too much after a successful run, no one had gotten hurt, blown up, or killed. So, everyone was gathered together in the bunker, the others were outside – enjoying a moment’s peace. Castiel was talking with someone, Zyllah was talking with others, then for a moment, their eyes met across the room. She lifted an eyebrow, he shook his head, she smiled and returned her attention to the others.
They had become so attuned to each other, it was easier to go on runs with him, it was almost like they could read each other’s minds. Even Alex would call it spooky and he was the one with Claire.
She heard something and looked over again, it was Cas, he was starting to stumble a bit; exhaustion was on his face. He was done and he wouldn’t admit it, so she knew she would need to step in. Alex was already trying to talk Castiel into letting go of the bottle. Castiel wouldn’t listen. Zyllah excused herself from her little group and walked over to them. “What’s up?” Alex shook his head and gave her a pointed look before telling her that Castiel was all hers.
“Cas?” She slipped her arm around his waist, a soft laugh, “come with me.” Her eyes searched his exhausted ones when they finally locked on her. “Just come with me,” she spoke softer, words only for him. When he relented, she walked with him, supporting him as he walked so he could look okay. He was so strong and he didn’t know it.
They walked down the hallway toward his room, he seemed not in the mood to talk – so she didn’t say a word as they went. “Here,” she murmured as she pushed his door open, hesitating, she had never been in his room before. Hell, she usually spent time in the main room or the garage, no other places – it wasn’t her hideout, it was theirs. Castiel stumbled past her into his room, she sighed after him. “Cas, sit,” she started laughing as he dropped down onto the bed onto his back. “Oh let me take your shoes off,” she shook her head at him, “you can’t sleep with those on.”
He sat up a bit on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows with a slow nod. She said nothing as she dropped down before him and unlaced his boots, her eyes only on the boots. When she looked up to say something, her lips parted in surprise. He was sitting up now, staring down at her with the look of intensity. He only looked like that before they were about to go into a fire-fight.
“Castiel?” She spoke softly, unsure what she had done to deserve that look.
His voice – rough and weary – came to her, “do you have any idea the last time I heard someone say my name?” He reached out to her, touching her lips.
She looked on in shock as he touched her lips, his fingers were calloused – but his touch so light. Her eyebrows quirked a bit in curiosity, she wanted to speak, but wasn’t even sure what should be said.
“Stay with me tonight,” he murmured softly, “please little Shadow.”
She blinked at him before finding herself nodding without even thinking.
CASTIEL--
The run had been cake. Well, that's what the kids were saying, anyway. Castiel knew, all too well, how badly it could have gone. There had been demons, only a pair of them, in amongst what they had fought. But they'd been Lucifer's own. He had enough grace left yet to have been able to see it clearly. Yeah, it coulda gone really badly.
But, it didn't. So, he said nothing, letting the kids have their little celebration. It just meant no one would hassle him about having maybe a bit too much to drink. Enough that he could try to just stop thinking for awhile. Although...he knew damn well that rarely worked. But it never stopped him from continuing to try.
He was standing around, bottle in hand, taking swigs now and again, just...kinda watching the rest of them. He didn't know what he'd do without them, honestly. Or...perhaps he knew, and just didn't want to think about it.
As always, his gaze flitted to the ones he had ties to, the kids he made extra efforts to be sure were safe. The ones he shared the bunker with. Claire, of course, despite that she had more of his grace within her now than he himself did. Jesse, though he really didn't need anyone's protection, not with Lucifer free – freeing Jesse's power as well. Ben, who still kinda hurt to look at sometimes because Cas could see so much of Dean in the boy. Krissy, the little spitfire that Dean had put so much faith into and Cas couldn't help but be fond of for herself as well as for her old connection to Dean. And, though he was loathe to admit it, Alex, the fuckin' Styne that meant so much to Claire...and, so, had to be included in his little regular checks to be sure all the ducklings were well and safe and...here.
In fact, it was Krissy who approached him as he stood apart. He never quite understood her kindness toward him, her habit of, occasionally, seeking him out just to talk. But he appreciated it, anyway. He answered her gentle prodding questions seeking to find out if he was alright, not quite being honest, but...being honest enough to ease her concern. It was an easy enough thing to do. And if it made things easier for Krissy? Well, why not then.
Still, there was one more he sought out, a habit that, while a little newer, was just as deeply a part of his routine as anything in his life now. Zyllah. She might not be a part of the original group, but...she'd earned a place here, he felt. She certainly had earned a place with him, nearly always at his side when he ventured out on runs. He could rely on her steady presence without the extra baggage he sometimes felt stood between him and the kids.
So, it was that his eyes were drifting as he half-listened to something Krissy was saying to him, seeking out that Zee. When he spotted her, chatting away comfortably with a little group, something within him eased. Everyone truly important to him was accounted for. She met his gaze across the room, raising an eyebrow in question. 'Are you okay, do you need me?' The question was as clear as if she'd spoken it aloud. He gave a shake of his head, just enough to let her stay where she was, continuing her conversation after offering him one of her little smiles.
There hadn't been anyone since Dean he'd really been able to rely on quite the way he did Zee. It gave him comfort...even as, sometimes, it made him feel like his heart was breaking all over again. But, that was just something to be gotten through, maybe with alcohol, maybe with...other distractions. Whatever worked in the moment. Though he tried not to let it show too much, he was broken still, deep inside, and he knew it. He hid the depths of it from most, though he was aware that Claire certainly suspected. But Zyllah? She knew. They never really spoke of it, but he knew that she just...knew.
His wandering thoughts, as much if not more than the long, tiring day, were taking a toll on him. Of course, the alcohol probably didn't help that much. Yet, he clung to the bottle, even when Alex approached, deciding Cas'd had enough. Fuckin' Styne, anyway. He did his best to glare at Alex as he tried to take the nearly empty bottle from Cas. But...hey, at least he didn't say the phrase that ran through his mind, as much as he wanted to. Especially with the image of Charlie rising to the fore of his mind. Granted, Alex hadn't been there, and had nothing to do directly with her death. But...it had been his family, and that still meant something to Cas.
Before he knew it, Zee was there at his side. He'd been so focused on the growing argument with Alex that he hadn't even noticed her approach. There was some sort of exchange between her and Alex, but he paid it little mind. Instead, he was just sort of staring at her, in that way he found himself doing sometimes when she wasn't really looking. Fuck, sometimes he just wanted to lean against her, wrap her up in his arms, and just...bury himself in her so he could hide away from the horror his life had become. But it was something he never spoke of, and often didn't even let himself dwell on.
Her arm, sliding around his waist drew him slowly from his thoughts. He looked down at her, blinking once or twice, before her words sank in through the exhaustion and alcohol haze. Her eyes caught his, holding them, and it took him a few moments to process what she'd said. “Just come with me.” Oh. Yeah, that suddenly seemed like a really good idea. She was peace, and the rest...there was just too much. It was too much.
Castiel let her lead him, let her help support his weight, as they moved away from the group and down the corridor toward his room. Zee....well,he could trust her. He gave himself over to her, as he so often did when he was just too weary, too worn out, too lost in drink and his own mind. Though, this was the first time she'd done more than take a bottle away from him and send him on his way.
He wondered absently, briefly, where that bottle had gotten to. It was gone, but...he couldn't quite remember giving it up to anyone. Oh well, there were a couple more stashed in his room. If he didn't pass out first.
Zyllah got him to his room without incident, and she even opened the door for him, which he found himself incredibly grateful for. Walking, right now, was about the most complicated task he could manage. And, Cas thought ruefully as he stumbled past her into the safety of his room, even that was pretty iffy.
“Cas, sit.” The order, and, no matter how gently it was delivered, he knew that's exactly what it was, was a welcome one, and he obeyed without question. He missed that, sometimes; the ease of just giving himself over to another and simply obeying. Not enough to regret the choice to fall in the very beginning, but...still, sometimes...
He flopped back onto the bed bonelessly, perfectly content to just fall asleep as he was. He'd even, just barely, begun to drift off – into the depths of his mind, if not actually into sleep – when her laughter pulled him back. He shifted until he was propped on his elbows, nodding to her offer to remove his boots. He sure as hell wasn't going to be doing that himself, and there was more than enough trust for her to not even think twice about allowing her to do this for him.
She bent to her task, and something about watching her bowed over his boots, working on the knot one of his laces had gotten into, just caught his attention. His breath caught in his throat and he sat up, staring down at her. It was just like...something had shifted within him, and he was looking at her anew. And when she looked up at him, lips parted, clearly startled by whatever she saw on his face, in his eyes...he was just fucking gone.
“Castiel?”
That was it. He was really, truly done. “Do you have any idea the last time I heard someone say my name?” Cas, Cas...no one had called him by his true name in so very long. Not even Claire used it really. Not that he blamed any of them. He wasn't an angel anymore, not really, no matter that there was a little grace still left to him. He'd stopped being an angel the day he held Dean's broken body in his arms. So...why should anyone bother to use a name that had once belonged to an angel to refer to the broken thing he was now?
He reached out on impulse, touching his his fingers lightly, so gently to her lips – those lips that had dared to speak his name when no one else did – wonder shining in his eyes past the haze of the alcohol. She merely looked up at him, and he gave in to the urge that rose. “Stay with me tonight, please little Shadow.” It should have been a question. He knew it should have. But it was a request, and he couldn't force it to be anything but that.
He wanted to bury himself in her, he wanted to get lost in her, he wanted.... Well, he just wanted someone to hold, someone to hold him, something to give comfort, and to allow him to forget about the rest of the world for a little while. At her nod, he found himself relaxing. It might have been a request, but it was one he wouldn't have thought less of her for refusing. He was being selfish, and he knew it. But Cas couldn't bring himself to care.
He shifted himself on the bed, scooting forward just a bit, just enough that he could lean forward and place a tentative, gentle kiss on her brow. Really, it was no more than a light brush of his lips against her skin, hesitant, testing, giving her the freedom to avoid him or deny him before he pulled away to look down at her.
Oh, how he wanted her. Sex...yeah, she wouldn't be his first attempt to lose himself for awhile in carnal pleasure, should she allow it. But, somehow, it was something more this time. Something he couldn't let himself dwell on most of the time. Now, however...right now, he was too far gone to care. Zyllah was peace and comfort and clear blue eyes and tender caring and just everything he needed in this moment.
Castiel tugged at her, encouraging her to rise up to meet him, his eyes now on her lips, gaze hungry and pupils blown with need. He wanted to kiss and touch and feel skin against skin. But, more than any of that, he just wanted the comfort of a warm body. Maybe even specifically the comfort of her warmth, emotionally as well as physically. The kind of comfort he never sought before, for fear of letting anyone too close to him...
They had all been drinking a bit too much after a successful run, no one had gotten hurt, blown up, or killed. So, everyone was gathered together in the bunker, the others were outside – enjoying a moment’s peace. Castiel was talking with someone, Zyllah was talking with others, then for a moment, their eyes met across the room. She lifted an eyebrow, he shook his head, she smiled and returned her attention to the others.
They had become so attuned to each other, it was easier to go on runs with him, it was almost like they could read each other’s minds. Even Alex would call it spooky and he was the one with Claire.
She heard something and looked over again, it was Cas, he was starting to stumble a bit; exhaustion was on his face. He was done and he wouldn’t admit it, so she knew she would need to step in. Alex was already trying to talk Castiel into letting go of the bottle. Castiel wouldn’t listen. Zyllah excused herself from her little group and walked over to them. “What’s up?” Alex shook his head and gave her a pointed look before telling her that Castiel was all hers.
“Cas?” She slipped her arm around his waist, a soft laugh, “come with me.” Her eyes searched his exhausted ones when they finally locked on her. “Just come with me,” she spoke softer, words only for him. When he relented, she walked with him, supporting him as he walked so he could look okay. He was so strong and he didn’t know it.
They walked down the hallway toward his room, he seemed not in the mood to talk – so she didn’t say a word as they went. “Here,” she murmured as she pushed his door open, hesitating, she had never been in his room before. Hell, she usually spent time in the main room or the garage, no other places – it wasn’t her hideout, it was theirs. Castiel stumbled past her into his room, she sighed after him. “Cas, sit,” she started laughing as he dropped down onto the bed onto his back. “Oh let me take your shoes off,” she shook her head at him, “you can’t sleep with those on.”
He sat up a bit on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows with a slow nod. She said nothing as she dropped down before him and unlaced his boots, her eyes only on the boots. When she looked up to say something, her lips parted in surprise. He was sitting up now, staring down at her with the look of intensity. He only looked like that before they were about to go into a fire-fight.
“Castiel?” She spoke softly, unsure what she had done to deserve that look.
His voice – rough and weary – came to her, “do you have any idea the last time I heard someone say my name?” He reached out to her, touching her lips.
She looked on in shock as he touched her lips, his fingers were calloused – but his touch so light. Her eyebrows quirked a bit in curiosity, she wanted to speak, but wasn’t even sure what should be said.
“Stay with me tonight,” he murmured softly, “please little Shadow.”
She blinked at him before finding herself nodding without even thinking.
CASTIEL--
The run had been cake. Well, that's what the kids were saying, anyway. Castiel knew, all too well, how badly it could have gone. There had been demons, only a pair of them, in amongst what they had fought. But they'd been Lucifer's own. He had enough grace left yet to have been able to see it clearly. Yeah, it coulda gone really badly.
But, it didn't. So, he said nothing, letting the kids have their little celebration. It just meant no one would hassle him about having maybe a bit too much to drink. Enough that he could try to just stop thinking for awhile. Although...he knew damn well that rarely worked. But it never stopped him from continuing to try.
He was standing around, bottle in hand, taking swigs now and again, just...kinda watching the rest of them. He didn't know what he'd do without them, honestly. Or...perhaps he knew, and just didn't want to think about it.
As always, his gaze flitted to the ones he had ties to, the kids he made extra efforts to be sure were safe. The ones he shared the bunker with. Claire, of course, despite that she had more of his grace within her now than he himself did. Jesse, though he really didn't need anyone's protection, not with Lucifer free – freeing Jesse's power as well. Ben, who still kinda hurt to look at sometimes because Cas could see so much of Dean in the boy. Krissy, the little spitfire that Dean had put so much faith into and Cas couldn't help but be fond of for herself as well as for her old connection to Dean. And, though he was loathe to admit it, Alex, the fuckin' Styne that meant so much to Claire...and, so, had to be included in his little regular checks to be sure all the ducklings were well and safe and...here.
In fact, it was Krissy who approached him as he stood apart. He never quite understood her kindness toward him, her habit of, occasionally, seeking him out just to talk. But he appreciated it, anyway. He answered her gentle prodding questions seeking to find out if he was alright, not quite being honest, but...being honest enough to ease her concern. It was an easy enough thing to do. And if it made things easier for Krissy? Well, why not then.
Still, there was one more he sought out, a habit that, while a little newer, was just as deeply a part of his routine as anything in his life now. Zyllah. She might not be a part of the original group, but...she'd earned a place here, he felt. She certainly had earned a place with him, nearly always at his side when he ventured out on runs. He could rely on her steady presence without the extra baggage he sometimes felt stood between him and the kids.
So, it was that his eyes were drifting as he half-listened to something Krissy was saying to him, seeking out that Zee. When he spotted her, chatting away comfortably with a little group, something within him eased. Everyone truly important to him was accounted for. She met his gaze across the room, raising an eyebrow in question. 'Are you okay, do you need me?' The question was as clear as if she'd spoken it aloud. He gave a shake of his head, just enough to let her stay where she was, continuing her conversation after offering him one of her little smiles.
There hadn't been anyone since Dean he'd really been able to rely on quite the way he did Zee. It gave him comfort...even as, sometimes, it made him feel like his heart was breaking all over again. But, that was just something to be gotten through, maybe with alcohol, maybe with...other distractions. Whatever worked in the moment. Though he tried not to let it show too much, he was broken still, deep inside, and he knew it. He hid the depths of it from most, though he was aware that Claire certainly suspected. But Zyllah? She knew. They never really spoke of it, but he knew that she just...knew.
His wandering thoughts, as much if not more than the long, tiring day, were taking a toll on him. Of course, the alcohol probably didn't help that much. Yet, he clung to the bottle, even when Alex approached, deciding Cas'd had enough. Fuckin' Styne, anyway. He did his best to glare at Alex as he tried to take the nearly empty bottle from Cas. But...hey, at least he didn't say the phrase that ran through his mind, as much as he wanted to. Especially with the image of Charlie rising to the fore of his mind. Granted, Alex hadn't been there, and had nothing to do directly with her death. But...it had been his family, and that still meant something to Cas.
Before he knew it, Zee was there at his side. He'd been so focused on the growing argument with Alex that he hadn't even noticed her approach. There was some sort of exchange between her and Alex, but he paid it little mind. Instead, he was just sort of staring at her, in that way he found himself doing sometimes when she wasn't really looking. Fuck, sometimes he just wanted to lean against her, wrap her up in his arms, and just...bury himself in her so he could hide away from the horror his life had become. But it was something he never spoke of, and often didn't even let himself dwell on.
Her arm, sliding around his waist drew him slowly from his thoughts. He looked down at her, blinking once or twice, before her words sank in through the exhaustion and alcohol haze. Her eyes caught his, holding them, and it took him a few moments to process what she'd said. “Just come with me.” Oh. Yeah, that suddenly seemed like a really good idea. She was peace, and the rest...there was just too much. It was too much.
Castiel let her lead him, let her help support his weight, as they moved away from the group and down the corridor toward his room. Zee....well,he could trust her. He gave himself over to her, as he so often did when he was just too weary, too worn out, too lost in drink and his own mind. Though, this was the first time she'd done more than take a bottle away from him and send him on his way.
He wondered absently, briefly, where that bottle had gotten to. It was gone, but...he couldn't quite remember giving it up to anyone. Oh well, there were a couple more stashed in his room. If he didn't pass out first.
Zyllah got him to his room without incident, and she even opened the door for him, which he found himself incredibly grateful for. Walking, right now, was about the most complicated task he could manage. And, Cas thought ruefully as he stumbled past her into the safety of his room, even that was pretty iffy.
“Cas, sit.” The order, and, no matter how gently it was delivered, he knew that's exactly what it was, was a welcome one, and he obeyed without question. He missed that, sometimes; the ease of just giving himself over to another and simply obeying. Not enough to regret the choice to fall in the very beginning, but...still, sometimes...
He flopped back onto the bed bonelessly, perfectly content to just fall asleep as he was. He'd even, just barely, begun to drift off – into the depths of his mind, if not actually into sleep – when her laughter pulled him back. He shifted until he was propped on his elbows, nodding to her offer to remove his boots. He sure as hell wasn't going to be doing that himself, and there was more than enough trust for her to not even think twice about allowing her to do this for him.
She bent to her task, and something about watching her bowed over his boots, working on the knot one of his laces had gotten into, just caught his attention. His breath caught in his throat and he sat up, staring down at her. It was just like...something had shifted within him, and he was looking at her anew. And when she looked up at him, lips parted, clearly startled by whatever she saw on his face, in his eyes...he was just fucking gone.
“Castiel?”
That was it. He was really, truly done. “Do you have any idea the last time I heard someone say my name?” Cas, Cas...no one had called him by his true name in so very long. Not even Claire used it really. Not that he blamed any of them. He wasn't an angel anymore, not really, no matter that there was a little grace still left to him. He'd stopped being an angel the day he held Dean's broken body in his arms. So...why should anyone bother to use a name that had once belonged to an angel to refer to the broken thing he was now?
He reached out on impulse, touching his his fingers lightly, so gently to her lips – those lips that had dared to speak his name when no one else did – wonder shining in his eyes past the haze of the alcohol. She merely looked up at him, and he gave in to the urge that rose. “Stay with me tonight, please little Shadow.” It should have been a question. He knew it should have. But it was a request, and he couldn't force it to be anything but that.
He wanted to bury himself in her, he wanted to get lost in her, he wanted.... Well, he just wanted someone to hold, someone to hold him, something to give comfort, and to allow him to forget about the rest of the world for a little while. At her nod, he found himself relaxing. It might have been a request, but it was one he wouldn't have thought less of her for refusing. He was being selfish, and he knew it. But Cas couldn't bring himself to care.
He shifted himself on the bed, scooting forward just a bit, just enough that he could lean forward and place a tentative, gentle kiss on her brow. Really, it was no more than a light brush of his lips against her skin, hesitant, testing, giving her the freedom to avoid him or deny him before he pulled away to look down at her.
Oh, how he wanted her. Sex...yeah, she wouldn't be his first attempt to lose himself for awhile in carnal pleasure, should she allow it. But, somehow, it was something more this time. Something he couldn't let himself dwell on most of the time. Now, however...right now, he was too far gone to care. Zyllah was peace and comfort and clear blue eyes and tender caring and just everything he needed in this moment.
Castiel tugged at her, encouraging her to rise up to meet him, his eyes now on her lips, gaze hungry and pupils blown with need. He wanted to kiss and touch and feel skin against skin. But, more than any of that, he just wanted the comfort of a warm body. Maybe even specifically the comfort of her warmth, emotionally as well as physically. The kind of comfort he never sought before, for fear of letting anyone too close to him...